Chapter One

Dieting Sucks

If you are like most men, coming to the realization you need to lose weight ranks right up there with finding out your annual performance review will be given by the VP you called an ignorant airhead at last year’s Christmas party or developing an enraged fever blister a hour before a first date.
Until now.
Enter: The Sexy Beast Diet: The Man’s Guide to Healthy, Satisfying Eating
The Sexy Beast Diet is where you’ll find not only can you lose weight and maintain a healthy, sexy weight, but you like it.
“Like it?” you ask.
For real.
Would I lie to you just to sell a book?

Here’s what you’re going to get:

• Background information on healthy, satisfying eating that you need to know and, maybe just as important, information you can use to impress a woman.
• A quick rundown of the serious health problems you are likely to encounter if you remain overweight—just in case you need additional motivation.
• A simple, masculine eating plan that will keep you the Sexy Beast you are, albeit a thinner, healthier Sexy Beast—without leaving you hungry.
• A list of 33 delicious things you can eat all you want of. (Don’t worry, prepositions at the end of sentences are no longer outlawed.)
• A list of 22 delicious foods you can eat a lot of.
• A list of 11 delicious foods you can eat only on the fifth Tuesday of odd-numbered months.
• A host of simple recipes—and I do mean simple.
• A full week’s worth of suggested meal plans—to get you off on the right foot.

On whose authority?

If I were you, the first thing I’d want to know is why you—that’s me, in this instance—are qualified to write this book. What makes you, uh, me, a diet expert?
Good question.
Oh sure, as the founder and CEO of a successful international publishing house, I’ve edited and published a number of books on health and dieting, including a New York Times bestseller, but who hasn’t?
My chief qualifications as the author of this book are three:
• I am a Sexy Beast. Just like you.
• I’ve fought gaining weight for years. Just like you.
• I’m going to include simple, well-researched, immediately usable information. And I’m going to do it in fewer words than the number of angels who can sit on the head of a pin. All fur and no fluff.

All men want to be sexy; it comes with the territory.

Ok, maybe not all men. I had a civics teacher who used to say, “never say ‘never’” so, in the spirit of the inflexible Mr. Hull, perhaps I misspoke.
It is possible some men don’t want to be sexy. Apparently, President Jimmy Carter didn’t care about turning a fair maiden’s head, at least not while he was in the White House, but, for every Jimmy Carter there’s 1,001 John Kennedys, Bill Clintons, and Donald Trumps.
I’m willing to bet you aren’t a Jimmy Carter.

Know what women find sexy?

• The ability to listen
Women love to talk and, like with men, their favorite subject is themselves. Simply listen, nod, and ask a question about her now and then and you’ll be spending more time between the sheets than on the sports page.
• Self-confidence
It isn’t that confidence is such a turn on as it is that indecisiveness is such a turn off. Make up your mind. Stick to your decisions. Sexy Beasts are confident, self-disciplined beasts.
• Wisdom
Keep up on life and its many dimensions. This may mean you’ll have to do some reading. Suck it up.
• Industriousness
Doubt a good work ethic is sexy? Try this for a pick-up line sometime: “I haven’t been able to find a job for a couple of years now, so I live with my mom.” (Hint: Don’t try this if you’re in a committed relationship and want to stay in one.)
• Scintillating conversation
When she isn’t talking, she wants you to talk. If you can’t think of anything to say, ask something about her. See “The ability to listen” above.
• Fitness
Most women say they don’t put an emphasis on looks to the degree men do but check around and see how many women you know who find beer bellies attractive.

Know what women don’t find sexy?

• Fat
She’ll be impressed if you can heft a 60-pound sack of cement, but not if you have one hanging over your belt or stored in the seat of your pants. Wiggle a double chin at her and see if her eyes gleam with lust.
• Lack of cleanliness
Bad hygiene is a big turn off. It also results in insipid sex. If she smelled bad, would you…?
• Callousness
You may have heard that women go for bad boys, but that doesn’t translate into treating her badly. Sexy Beasts are gentlemen.
• Illness
In most cultures, including the one you live in, disease and death are not considered sexy. Chronic ailments and early trips to the grave go together with being overweight.

Honesty is the best policy.

Let me be completely transparent.
This isn’t a book on how you should save the planet by choosing to eat only sustainable crops, or how you should only eat organic foods, or instructing you to buy cage-free eggs, although you should do all those things.
Neither am I suggesting you “go on a diet.”
I’m suggesting you make permanent lifestyle changes. It won’t be a cakewalk. For some of you, it’ll the most difficult thing you’ll ever do. But it’ll be worth it.
So, if you’re onboard for a healthier, happier, longer, sexier life, let’s get started.

Here’s your toolkit:

As a Sexy Beast, you already have what you need:
• Desire
• Smarts
• Self-discipline
• This book.

Keep reading.

If you aren’t completely motivated now, you will be after Chapter 2.